Searching
by ClotiNotCleris
Summary: Cloud/Tifa/Aeris triangle, Cloti, Angst and Love. Whats not to love? Warning, prolly a little aeris bashing. Rated M for language and possible future lemon.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own FFVII or any of the characters.

**A/N:** Cloti, slight Yuffentine, Cloud/Tifa/Aeris triangle, you get the picture...Slightly AU, slight Aeris bashing. Beware, cleris lovers. I'm going for Angst/Romance, so expect fluff and maybe lemon. Rated M for a reason.

Prologue

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This is an Alternate Universe (AU) so heres how its going down

Aeris is 25, Tifa is 25, Cloud is 26, Vincent is 50, Yuffie is 23.

Aeris never died, and the whole Kadaj episode never happened because Sephiroth was killed by Cloud once, and that was that. Cloud and Tifa lived together afterwards taking care of Marlene and Denzel, but this was because Tifa was the first person he met from Avalanche. Cloud meets Aerith after he joins Avalanche and somehow she is attracted to him, so he's attracted too... and now that Sephiroth is defeated and over, our story begins...

Chapter 1  
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She finished washing the last glass and stuck it on the drying rack. She dried her hands. Pausing to wipe away the perspiration that was on her forehead, she tied back her long chocolate hair and walked over to the window to flip the sign to "Open."

It wasn't long before people began coming in for the happy hour specials. Tifa was busy mixing drinks and serving the busy crowd. Life sure had become normal again, and with Shinra finally defeated and under control, things have started to take on that routine feeling.

But Tifa still felt a little empty inside. Was it jealousy? Was it resentment? No, she couldn't bring herself to be jealous or resentful of that flower girl Cloud always went out with. Why did Tifa feel like crap then?

Beep Beep Beep Beep Click -- Tifa put the timer back in its place. 4:00pm.

Marlene and Denzel would be home soon, and of course...Cloud. Sighing, Tifa went out of the Kitchen and grabbed her notepad. It was time to work...

Marlene and Denzel were busy doing homework by dinnertime. Tifa was still busy serving drinks and getting ready for the dinner orders that were sure to come.

Yuffie, who also worked at the bar part of the time now, was too busy flirting with a bunch of unscrupulous young men to focus, leaving Tifa with the bulk of the work.

"Figures," she thought, and went on with her work, glancing worriedly at the clock. Why wasn't Cloud home yet?

And then, a man with blonde spiky hair like a chocobo opened the door. Tifa smiled. Her smile faded when she realized he brought that girl with the brown hair and emerald eyes along with him.

"Hey teef, I'm taking Aeris to the Golden Saucer tonight, don't wait up ok?"

She bit back her frustration and faked a smile, chiming in quickly as he turned to head out as if he didn't care what she had to say about it - "Sure Cloud, have fun."

Her eyes lingered for a few seconds on the closed door. And inside, something broke.

**A/N:** That was a good start I think... R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
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**Disclaimer**: I don't own FFVII or anything from it.

**A/N**: Here we go again...reminds me of the song by "Ok Go." Good song. Give it a listen.

Tifa stared out the window. It was well past midnight, and she had finished closing up the bar and cleaning up the mess from the brawl that had just occurred. Marlene and Denzel had been tucked in long ago and Tifa finally had some time to herself. But she couldn't bring herself to go to sleep. She stared out the window of her room intently...and then she saw them. They were holding hands, Aeris talking animatedly. Walking down the road back to the bar...Aeris lived a block away though, so they were just passing by for now. But he looked...mesmerized by Aeris.

Tifa's POV  
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Its so unfair. I've known him forever, been next to him in battle, saved Aeris from nearly being run through by Sephiroth, and this is what I get...I guess I'm just not like her. She's pretty, she's cute, she's pink, she has beautiful green eyes while mine are dark brown, my hair is straight and boring, I'm too boyish and she's a girl, I can't shop for my life...what is a girl to do? And I've been with him through thick and thin, but he can't even spare an afternoon to take me out to eat or even to talk to me for more than a few minutes a day. I wake up to make him breakfast in the morning and he eats without a word, then heads out without ever letting me know where he's going or when he'll be back. Sometimes he leaves for deliveries that are days away and other times I suspect he just goes looking for Aeris. While I am left tending this bar, cleaning and cooking as if I were his mother and taking care of two beautiful kids who respect him so much...and for what? What has Cloud ever done for us?

And its crazy, I know, to do all this for one man with nothing in return. But I...I can't help myself. I want to see him happy, and I love seeing him know who he is and what he wants now. He didn't know who he was, but now he does. And I thought I'd be happy once he's back to normal...but that just can't happen, can it?

Is it too much to ask? For him to do one nice thing for me, maybe take me out to dinner or at least write me a card? Or, I mean, some guys do nicer things for their sister! What am I, chopped liver? Am I a slave to his wants? Is it too much to ask for him to remember my birthday? And I mean really, the ultimate insult...bringing Aeris out on a DATE, on MY BIRTHDAY. Hell, he's never taken me anywhere and we've been "best friends" forever. And he meets this pretty girl one day and its like he's completely forgotten theres someone who loves him so much...

Sometimes, I think he's just blind.

Cloud POV  
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We stopped at her door. I stood mesmerized by her beautiful green eyes, those charming chestnut locks of hair...and before I knew what was going on, I was kissing those soft lips. It felt exhilarating. But something felt wrong all of a sudden. I'm not sure what...perhaps it was the fact that my first kiss had been with Tifa, back when we were still teens and I was leaving for Midgar to train for SOLDIER. In fact, this has been my first kiss since then. Wow. I'm really getting serious with Aeris...hmm.

Tifa POV  
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He walked back down the road to the bar, looking thoughtful and happy. What else could have happened... then I heard the door's entrance bell chime its happy welcome. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I pulled my blankets around me, sobbing. Why couldn't he ever remember me? We meet some clueless happy flower girl one day who can barely fight and all of a sudden he's smitten for her. But what has she ever done for him? I do everything for him. She doesn't know that he hates his pancakes dripping with syrup, and that he likes it better when I put the syrup in the pan seconds before the pancake solidifies so it takes like sweet bread. She doesn't know that his favorite dessert is my cream rolls and that my secret recipe is baked cream cheese and cinnamon sugar. She doesn't know that he was a reject when he was younger, that he has scars on his back and on his leg ...wait, did Aeris know? Could she know? Well...that would be...

I couldn't help it...I felt like a wounded puppy with nobody to care about me . There is nothing left for me here. Perhaps I will move away. Costa del Sol is a pretty place... would Marlene and Denzel come with me? Well Cloud would have Aeris to help him take care of them, wouldn't he? They wouldn't miss me, the "happy brunette who served drinks at the bar and..." Come to think of it, they have this misconception that I'm always happy. Well, I'm torn. I've been torn. My heart is getting chewed up every time I look at Cloud and the way he looks at Aeris. Me? He's hugged me once I think. It was when we both fell into the lifestream. And he kissed me, that time on the well...when we were younger. I take comfort in that. I had him first. He loved me...I think. Or was I just another pretty girl to him? Was our relationship a product of his raging hormones taking over? I hate you Cloud. I hate you.

Narrator POV  
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More tears leaked out of Tifa's sobbing eyes. Cloud walked up the stairs and saw the kids peacefully sleeping. Satisfied he headed toward his room until he heard what sounded like a muffled sob. He doubled back to check Tifa's room. The door was locked... He knocked quickly. "Tifa?"

Tifa froze. She tried to control her breathing and buried herself deeper into her blankets. She couldn't let him see her like this. No, she was strong Tifa, she was a strong girl who didn't cry. She...

Cloud reached up above the doorframe and found the metal stick. He poked it into the keyhole for the room lock (it was a push lock) and the door opened. He padded cautiously inside when he saw a blanket, shivering slightly. Immediately he knew something was wrong, as dense as he was. He quickly walked over to Tifa's bed and pulled at the blanket. Tifa was hugging her pillow and by now he realized she was crying. "Tifa? Tifa, are you alright..."

"No, I'm NOT alright Cloud, and I would appreciate if you would just LEAVE ME ALONE."

He was taken aback. He had never seen her cry...except for when her mother died...and that was a long time ago. And he didn't think he saw her so angry before..."Tifa, whats wrong..."

"Whats wrong?!" Tifa was incredulous. "I'll tell you whats wrong. You. You're whats wrong. GO AWAY. GET THE FUCK OUT. I DON'T WANT TO EVER SEE YOUR FUCKING SPIKY HEAD IN MY ROOM AGAIN." She was sobbing harder now.

He was clueless... Walking closer and sitting awkwardly on her bed, he added, "I'm not leaving until you tell me whats wrong."

She sat up fuming and crying at the same time -- **"I ALREADY TOLD YOU!** OUT. GET OUT. GET mrrhph----"

Cloud had muffled her by grabbing her and holding her to his chest. "Tifa please, calm down, I don't know whats wrong...Tifa please...shhhh...shhhh..." She had calmed down a little now...weeping quietly into his chest...

Tifa found herself surrounded by his warm embrace. She couldn't fight him any more. She let herself be crushed against his chest and his warmth. She let her tears flow openly.

When she finally stopped shivering, he tucked her into her bed to let her rest. Turning to leave he found her beautiful hand not letting go of his wrist. "Tifa..?"

"Cloud, don't go. I'm sorry...I didn't mean anything I said... I'm sorry... please don't go..." Cloud looked at his closest friend's pleading desperation with his piercing blue eyes. She averted her eyes and found herself staring at his wrist where she held him. She let go. "I err--, fuck, sorry," She was speaking rapidly now "I don't know what's come over me...uh good night Cloud..." And she retreated quickly into her blankets, pulling them over her head, but before she could, she felt a hand at her cheek. "Don't cry Tifa...I'm sorry..." She let her gaze linger on his regretful expression for a few moments. Then she realized he was taking off his outerwear. In his undergarments he climbed into bed next to her, hugging her by the waist and drawing her close to his chest. "Don't cry Tifa." he whispered. "I hate seeing you cry." Tifa smiled a little, feeling his warmth surround her. She couldn't have him, she couldn't have his love, and she wasn't the one who got to go to golden saucer with him on a date. She couldn't kiss him or tell him she loved him, but at least she could cry with him and feel his comforting presence.

And to her, that was enough.

**A/N**: R&R! Hope you're liking it so far...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

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**Disclaimer**: I don't own FFVII or anything from it.

**A/N**: To clarify, this is indeed my first fic. And to tell the truth, I'm writing this for my own enjoyment. I like writing. So review whatever you like, flames are APPRECIATED! Tell me what I'm doing wrong! Thanks. And if you think your review will get anything, or me to write faster don't bother reviewing. I write on my own time.

He opened his eyes. He felt strangely warm, and happy. Perhaps it was that kiss from last…

Looking down, he realized Tifa was sleeping against his chest. His arms were wrapped around her and for some reason it just felt right.

She stirred. Opening her eyes, she looked up, and seeing Cloud's face she reacted by pulling back suddenly. Fortunately, Cloud had her tight in his grasp.

"Cloud?" She felt so happy.

"Teef…are you alright?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "Thanks…"

"What happened?" He was still clueless about what happened yesterday. He only got silence. "Teef?"

"Cloud, its ok. I'm fine…I have to get the kids ready for school…Oh No! Its already –"

"Teef its 6:45 in the friggin morning. You can sleep in once in a while you know. What time were you looking to get up?"

"No its not ok, that's almost 2 hours I just lost. I have to go shopping to restock and then there are dishes to wash and things to buy so I can make you all breakfast and –"

Cloud wasn't listening. He was thinking about the fact that Tifa woke up at 5am every day. How did she do it? How did she do it and still smell like…cherries? Ah…cherries smell so good…he just wanted to take the sweet cherries and - -

"Cloud are you listening? Answer the question…"

Cloud blinked. "Cherries…"

"You want cherries in your pancakes?"

Oh crap. Wrong answer. "No wait I don't know what I was thinking, blueberries are good."

Tifa gave him a weird look. "Right…ok I really have to move then." It was at that moment, as she was getting out of bed, that she realized what she was wearing. Cloud saw, and blushed. She was wearing black nightwear that looked awfully…sexy. Cloud was getting bad ideas in his head… No, think no evil! See no evil! No evil here…just…really nice looking Tifa…No! Think no evil! Ahhgrh!!

She was about to change when she realized there were a set of eyes intently gazing at her. She turned around and looked at Cloud. He seemed to be daydreaming…

"Cloud?" That snapped him out of it.

"Oh right, shit, I'll just…yeah." He left the room.

Sighing, Tifa grabbed some clothes and decided for a shower. After freshening up she hurried downstairs to make a somewhat late breakfast. Marlene and Denzel would be waiting…

Downstairs, in the Kitchen, Denzel and Marlene were having a little chat of their own.

"I heard Tifa crying last night," remarked Marlene grimly.

"You too? I thought it was just in my dreams. But I saw Cloud walk to the bathroom just a few minutes ago so she couldn't have really cried. She never cries when Cloud's around now."

"Maybe…Well I fell asleep so I wouldn't know. Maybe Cloud came home and cheered her up?"

"Hey Marlene, wasn't yesterday…Tifa's….birthday?"

"Yeah…what did Cloud get Tifa?"

Cloud just happened to walk in that very moment. Hearing that last line, his heart stopped for a little. _Shit. So that's what all that was about. Oh fuck._

Tifa walked half a minute later, tying her long chocolate hair into a ponytail. "Good morning Marlene, Denzel, Cloud…Cloud? Cloud you look sort of tense…"

Cloud couldn't bring his eyes to meet Tifa's. He mumbled something incoherent and quickly ran upstairs. Tifa would have been a little worried if she didn't have so much to do. Sighing again, she ran out real quick to grab the things she needed.

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Breakfast was the quiet affair it usually was. Marlene and Denzel talked in muted tones to each other while Cloud answered Tifa's customary questions with customary one or two syllable answers. Things like "How are the pancakes" or "Do you have a lot of work today" or "The weather is a looking a little rough, be careful..."

Except, today, Tifa didn't attempt any small talk like she usually did. It was like she didn't have the heart to even try to get Cloud to talk a little more. That or maybe not enough energy. Cloud noticed, but Tifa seemed to have other things on her mind...

Cloud got up and put his dish in the sink. Heading toward the door, he glanced back...and did something unusual. "Bye Tifa, I'll be back around 8, don't worry about dinner." Tifa looked a little surprised. "Uh...sure Cloud. Have a nice day..."

Tifa felt a lump in her throat. Ok maybe Cloud got a little sense overnight...maybe after being so close to her all night...She shivered at the memory of last night. His every touch was able to send her reeling. _I am pathetic. I feel like a teenager with raging hormones all over again...why do I even bother, he has Aeris now..._ She sighed. After all, yesterday still was her birthday. and Cloud still didn't remember. and he still took Aeris on a date while all Tifa got was a half-a-night's worth of sleep that she had trouble waking from. And to top it all off she was late for everything today because she couldn't wake up early enough with Cloud holding her like that...

_Oh well, its not like he holds me every night. Or ever, for that matter._ She decided to count her blessings and bit back her frustration. And, finishing that last blueberry, she set off to work cleaning the dishes.

Barret was angry. "WHAT D'YA MEAN YA FORGIT IT? ITS #$& TIFA'S !#$ BIRTHDAY!"

Cloud looked at his feet. "Well are you going to help me or what?"

Barret sighed. "I'm tellin ya spiky, if youse keepin forgettin bout Tifa all the time, your lousy ass aint deserving her. Youse realize how much she does for you, don'cha? Get it through your THICK SKULL, SPIKY HEADED BASTARD."

Cloud took the abuse...and frowned. "Ok so you'll take care of the kids tonight, right..."

"YES. NOW GET TO IT."

"Gotcha. Time to find a present..."

Tifa took a long gulp of cold water. Slamming the glass down, she got back up, ready to keep working. It was almost happy hour. A knock on the door.

"Delivery for one Ms. Lockhart?" Tifa's brow furrowed a little. "Yes, that'd be me..."

"Sign here?" She did, and gasped when she saw four men hauling in a huge covered object. "Where do we put this?"

She was getting mad. "What makes you think I want this in the first place? What the heck is it?"

"We're not supposed to open customer deliveries..." And then a spiky headed blonde stepped through the door. "We want it in the private dining room. This way please."

Tifa stared at Cloud, who seemed to be ignoring her. "Cloud?"

Finally, the package had be settled into place and the deliverymen/movers left the house. Curiously, Tifa looked at Cloud. "what is it?"

Cloud stared solemnly at Tifa. "Tifa...I'm...I'm really sorry. I forgot it was your birthday yesterday." Tifa felt her heart crack a little. "Yeah and I realize thats...probably what you were upset about yesterday.." _No shit you dumb fuck._ "And I know...this really won't change anything...but I...I owe it to you..." She sighed.

"Close your eyes." Was Cloud losing it? Whatever...Tifa closed her eyes. "You can open them now."

She gasped. It was a beautiful baby grand piano. The shiny wood and beautiful instrument stole her breath away. "Oh my goodness...Cloud...you shouldn't have...how much did you...Cloud..." She had tears in her eyes. "Thank you Cloud."

Cloud couldn't help but smile, and nodded, as was his way of responding to thanks. Then he gathered his composure. "Uh Tifa, would you do me a favor?" Tifa looked at him. "Sure...what is it?"

Cloud cleared his throat. "Will you take the day off and accompany me to dinner tonight?"

She couldn't believe her ears. He was asking to take her to dinner? Was it a...date? No, he still had Aeris...but...well it was close enough. He might think of it as taking a sister out on a date or whatever he thought...but she was going to pretend to herself it was a real date. Her first date! Ever! How exciting was this for her...and bittersweet at the same time. How bittersweet it would be...to go on your first date without it really being a "date." Oh well, thats life...

She fought the urge to burst out in tears at the thought. She responded quietly, "Of course Cloud." Then, even quieter, she murmured "Thank you." And even softer, so soft that nobody could hear her, "I love you."

**A/N**: R&R if you wish, but to be honest I could care less what anyone thinks.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

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**Disclaimer**: I don't own FFVII or anything from it.

Rewriting. Sorry, I didn't like the way this chapter came out at all.


End file.
